| Stupidity |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|11:10 pm] |
My uncle Bill used to say:
"If you haven't cut yourself with your knife, you aren't using it enough."
So true...
If you own a big ass pocket knife, you will cut yourself. Just like I sliced open my foot while scraping away some callus on my heel. (I know, gross.)
Gauze is my friend.
= ) |
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| GOD. |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|10:14 pm] |
I am a fool.
I have absolutely no understanding in regards to people, relationships, emotions, or anything important.
I cannot, for the life of me, make anybody feel better about ANYTHING, anymore.
I feel so fucking helpless. It feels like every moment I'm faced with a challenge to help someone feel better about their lives. Obviously it is not my sole duty to help them, and it would never be implied as no one asks explictely for me to "help them feel better".
But still. I know that talking to people makes ME feel 1000% better and they always find things to say that are comforting in some respect, and I have nothing but the utmost gratitude towards my friends and family for that.
So, naturally I feel like I SHOULD be able to do the same for others, but I just CAN'T. I try so fucking hard to think of logical explanations for emotions, and to lead people away from the conclusion that their emotions are either not justified and/or not helpful. But it seems that any attempt on my part is in vein.
I can't remember the last time I heard: "Thanks Benji for talking to me, I feel a lot better now." No one is obligated to say that, but it's clear that they wouldn't be because I always have the oppposite effect and usually the conversations end with no response. Talking to me frustrates people to the point where they simply cannot tolerate my advice any longer and refuse to dignify my self-righteous and un-true bullshit with even a good-bye.
I have convinced myself so thoroughly that I have it "all figured out", and therefore why wouldn't people be somewhat enlightned to hear my perspective?
No, Benji, you are wrong. The fact that your advice receives no compliment is for the simplest/best explanation: that it SUCKS. You don't understand people, you are a daft prick.
I accept the fact in my life I have helped a person or two, believe me I had my moments. So, this post isn't for any kind of validation, I don't want it because it is unecessary. If you try to make me feel better about this I WILL be offended.
It is unecessary because I am giving up. Don't ask me for advice. Believe me, I want to help you, but I can't. I will always be willing to listen to anything and everything that you might want to tell me. But, all I can do is tell you what you don't want to hear. All I can do is tell you all the things you can be happy about. Because all I want from you, is for you to be happy.
So if it's of any comfort to you: Benji is here for you, and he wants you to be happy. |
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| Freak Night 2005 |
[Oct. 30th, 2005|03:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kujay Dada - Young Hearts | ] |
As you all know, I fucking love electronic music. But, I've never been to a rave before, shocking, I know. BUT. I found out about Freak Night up here in Seattle from a poster. It caught my eye when I read the following two names on the poster: PAUL OAKENFOLD
THE CRYSTAL METHODHoly shit! Wow, the most famous name in trance and trip-hop, in one event. Thank you, God. ( Story/pictures ) |
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| People I MUST SEE in concert: |
[Oct. 29th, 2005|06:25 pm] |
(in no particular order)
- Rammstein
- Daft Punk
- DJ Tiesto
- Cake
- Kylie Minogue?
- Jason Mraz
- Linkin Park
- Michael Jackson
- N.E.R.D.
- Placebo
- Prodigy
- Tenacious D
- Zion I
- Aphex Twin
- Anberlin
And tonight I'll be knocking Paul Oakenfold and Crystal Method off the list.
= DDDDD
FUCK YES. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|01:43 am] |
|
Back together again. |
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| Plane flights |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|01:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Roomate = asleep | ] |
I came back from Michigan today.
I was on a non-stop to Seattle from Detriot, but the flight was overbooked.
I volunteered to take a later flight that left about an hour after my original flight.
Compensation? $300 voucher and a first-class seat to Seattle. I've never flown first-class before. ROCK!
I felt pretty good when I was eating some DELICIOUS chocolate-cheesecake in my big ass seat, and realizing that I got paid $300 to do so. |
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|
| I know |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|02:17 am] |
I know I haven't updated in forever.
I know I'm terrible.
I know.
But.
I'm posting again, mostly for fun.
So, here's the update:
University of Washington. Nice. Not amazing, but nice. Then again I don't really know what else to expect from college. I just thought that despite me being anti-social, that somehow everyone would crowd around and make me social. Wouldn't that be special?
I'm taking 15 credits. Not too much, not too little. It's enough where I could justify studying for 8 hours a day. Of course I won't do that, I'm not crazy.
Math class is boring, that's to be expected. Physics is alright, tedious though, 3-hour labs are devestating. Philosophy is awesome. Like the only class that I actually feel compelled to go to. I want to major in philsophy is how awesome it is.
People are cool. I couldn't ask for better roommates. Cameron is a halfie like me, is into wierd music/movies, is funny, and just in general a good guy. Benedict (Ben) is from Korea, but is... very American. He plays Ragnorok Online most the day and is a cool guy. I would be content just spending the day with one of my roommates. Plus, they both tolerate my obcene/loud music. = )
I've met a handful of people who are cool, some of whom I actually hang out with on a regular basis. Katie and Lara live in my building, they are drama nerds and are tons of fun. I usually just lie on their floor before bed-time and watch Blind-Date with a bunch of other guys.
I haven't had too much time to work out lately. I'm leaving for Michigan this Friday for my grandmother's memorial and I'll be missing a significant amount of class, so I'm trying to get a headstart on the make-up work.
I got a cheap strobe light off of eBay. It makes me happy. = )
And, I'm making a half-assed attempt to finally get my website up and running with all the pics you could ever want. I just have to figure out how these fucking PHP galleries work, it's so FUCKING COMPLICATED. AH!
I find myself going out on a lot of walks around campus really late at night. Just kind of soaking up the solitude. It's wierd being here alone.
I miss everyone too much. Not a moment goes by when I wish I had one of my friends here to be with.
Although, there's one person that I miss probably too much. It's wierd. At the same time, thinking about her is the most painful thing in the world, knowing that she's so far away, but it's also such a good feeling knowing that she's there.
So yah, that's all.
= ) |
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| I am still alive. |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|12:25 pm] |
I swear on my life that pictures are coming.
I am trying to figure out a way to host all of them.
Plus. All my NY pictures are coming via CD-ROM in the mail from my brother.
So, it's all really his fault.
In other news, summer is well on it's way now.
I'm working a company called "Heat" in San Francisco. It's a small advertising firm and I'm working as an intern, basically doing pity-work.
But it's probably the most chill job in the world. No dress-code, no specific hours or responsibilities.
I'll take pictures of the office as well.
It still hasn't hit me that I won't have to go back to Highschool EVER. Heh.
I got a new computer (I know, really exciting). It was a long time coming though.
Now I am content.
= )
On a more personal note, me and Athena have been dating for a little while now. Time has been somewhat... diverted from my other friends (which I apologize for).
So, call me, and we'll hang out. Plus, I want Athena to meet all of you! |
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| HOME |
[Jun. 25th, 2005|02:08 am] |
I'm back.
I got a camera (finally) while I was in NY.
I have like 200+ pics to post as soon as I get the CD from my brother.
I'm SO glad to be back though, NY is too much for me.
= P |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|06:01 am] |
I'm in New York until the 23rd.
I'll see you all then!
If you need to get in contact with me...
I'm not really sure how you will..
Call my mom I guess? |
|
|
| Prom #1 |
[May. 22nd, 2005|01:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nickelback - Hero | ] |
Castro Valley Senior Prom.
It was fun, I met more people than I could possibly remember.
HUGE shout out to S-money, who: 1. Fed us homemade Indian food, 2. Let us crash her house after prom.
The DJ at the prom was "meh", but we made the most of it.
Poor Athena was nearly beaten to a pulp, one shoe sole at a time.
= (
All in all, I had a blast, hopefully my senior prom will even better.
= P
Pictures soon. |
|
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| = / |
[May. 8th, 2005|08:24 am] |
|
Sunday, 4:40 AM.
No one is on 580 West.
It is raining.
Benji is going 90MPH.
This is called picking your moments, when you have a very low chance of encountering CHP.
BUT.
Then you get pulled over by some fucking rookie riding shotgun to an old geezer who thinks it's fun to speed through traffic himself until he comes across someone going TOO fast.
Whatever.
Here, Dad... here's my keys.
I have bad luck. Poor judgement and very bad luck. |
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|
| = P |
[May. 4th, 2005|10:30 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Lil' Flip - Look At Me Now | ] |
I am:
125%
Anarchist. | "Nothing is too extreme for you." |
Who would've thought? |
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|
| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2005|04:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Amon Tobin - Sordid | ] |
Our attention tends to be diverted towards our desires, and as a result we take the things that we have for granted.
There is someone in your life that you who no longer receives your attention, how undeserving.
Let them know what they mean to you. A simple gesture or tender words.
Seemingly ineffective, but necessary, it can not do any harm.
Feel free to let yourself go. Selfless acts display more character.
Vulnerable eyes and warm smiles reward spontaneous extroversion. |
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| CACTUS |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|01:01 am] |
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|
|
| DUCK |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|07:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fatboy Slim - Right Here, Right Now | ] |
This week has the been the longest fucking span of time EVER.
Although, I'm sure it will be prove to be nothing compared to the eternal-hell that this weekend will be.
I can't stand one more fucking minute talking about college with my parents.
NOT.
ONE.
I realize they're only trying to help me, but for god's sake it's reached the point where I don't even appreciate this shit anymore.
IT'S FUCKING OVERWHELMING.
College = sanctuary
Thank god I still have my friends around to keep me sane.
And one new friend who deprives me of sleep. = P |
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